


no, I love YOU more

by phangirlingforphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Domestic, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Romance, Tiny bit of Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phangirlingforphan/pseuds/phangirlingforphan
Summary: “You love me,” Dan says.“I do,” Phil replies. He nudges his shoulders with Dan’s gently. “Won’t let you forget it, either,”“Even when I’m grey and old and senile and probably calling you Gary by accident?”“Even then.”
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 84





	no, I love YOU more

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. I am back.

i.

“If you squint, Archie looks like he has three nipples,” 

Dan frowns. “I’m not about to test that theory out, Phil,” he says.

Phil laughs and Dan feels his legs vibrate beneath his head. 

“How can you anyway when your head is currently facing my crotch?”

“It’s a million times better than this shit show,” Dan remarks. “Plus my eyes are shut. Why do we still watch Riverdale?”

“Because,” Phil says, his fingers absently play with one of Dan’s unruly curls.

“Fantastic argument there, Phil.”

He shuts his eyes. God he’s so tired. He wouldn’t move though, not for the world. He lives for these sleepy, drawn out evenings.

The lounge is almost pitch black, the TV the only light source, he can hear Archie Andrews murmuring something in the background, but he tunes it out, focusing only on the way he’s sprawled on the sofa, head on Phil’s lap, eyes closed, barely awake but not close to sleep. The Danish call these cosy moments ‘Hygge’, he calls it quality time with the man he loves. 

“You’re missing shirtless Hiram Lodge,” 

Dan rolls his body, eyes open now, staring at the underside of Phil’s jaw. “Still think this view is better,” he says. 

“My chin is a work of art, I know,”

“Michaelangelo could never.”

Another beat passes and Dan closes his eyes again. 

“I think it’s bedtime, you need to move or I’m going to have to carry you and we both know I cannot do that,” Phil points out. “Move your butt, Danny boy,”

Dan makes a face. “But I’m comfortable, don’t wanna move,” he complains.

“You’re lucky I love you as much as I do or I’d be shoving you to the floor right now,”

“You’re lucky I love you even more to ignore you said that,”

“Don’t think so,” Phil says.

Dan opens his eyes and raises an eyebrow. “Which part? Because if you don’t think I love you then you think I’m just using you for your body which is only half true,”

“No,” Phil reiterates. “The ‘you love me more’ part, that’s silly talk,” 

“But I do,”

“Nope,”

“Yes,”

“No,”

“Yeah,”

“Phil,”

“Dan,”

Dan sits up, ignoring how incredibly lethargic every one of his limbs feels when he does. “Do you seriously think you love me the most?”

Phil taps his forehead twice. “I don’t think, I know,” 

Dan scoffs.“Come on, I practically stalked you like some sad, lovesick puppy, I think we know who had the biggest love from day one,” 

Phil leans across to Dan and kisses his cheek. “Be that as it may, I still love you the most,”

He appreciates the kiss, but the gesture won’t change things. “Phil, do you realise I am nothing without you?”

Phil rolls his eyes. “Now that isn’t true. Why are we even getting into this? It’s two in the morning, our bed is practically begging for us to get into it,”

“Because I’m a stubborn bastard and you know it,” Dan replies indignantly. “I seriously don’t think you realise how much I love you, like, Phil, come on,”

“I do realise, maybe it’s you who doesn’t realise how much I love you,” Phil suggests.

“We sound like pre-teens, arguing about this shit. I’ve watched too much Riverdale, it’s corrupted my brain,”

“Well,” Phil shrugs. “I may be an OAP these days but I still will argue with my boyfriend until the day I die that I loved him the most all along,”

“I honestly don’t know if that sounds romantic or chilling.”

ii.

One day, Phil will stop being a duvet hugger. Today is not that day, but Dan has hope. He also has hope he’ll win this little debate they have going on.

He has no idea what time it is, they strayed off topic, started chatting about Riverdale again, and then Phil yawned so loudly that Dan let the debacle slip to the back of his mind.

He sighs quietly, glancing at Phil who has his back to him, rolled up in basically two thirds of the duvet. 

Why is it that when you’re tired you can’t always sleep? And then all you can think about is the fact you can’t sleep, but then you’re not trying to sleep because you’re thinking too much about the fact you can’t sleep and you’re not even trying to and -

“Your thoughts are too loud,” Phil grunts against his pillow.

“Apologies, didn’t realise you were a mind-reader,”

“I am,” Phil replies, sleep saturating his voice, “That’s how I know I love you the most,”

Dan tuts loudly. “You’re so full of shit, Phil Lester,”

“Go to sleep, Dan,”

He sidles closer to Phil, tugging the duvet away from him, pulling it across them both, and slings an arm over Phil’s waist. Closeness. That always helps.

“I’ll try.”

iii.

He tried. 

His phone glares 4am at him, Phil is snoring and London traffic seems too loud tonight.

He doesn’t know why he’s having such a reaction to all of this. He said it himself, this is the most pre-teen bicker a couple could have. So why does he care? And why does it bother him? And why has Phil managed to steal the entire duvet again?

He unfurls himself from Phil’s side and steps out of bed, wandering to the lounge and through to the balcony.

The cool air is welcomed. His skin feels flushed. London has starry-skies tonight. It’s comforting in a way. 

He leans on the edge of their balcony and runs a hand through his hair. Maybe this is a deeper issue, maybe this isn’t about ‘who loves who more’, maybe he’s having a moment, a blip, a small brain error.

Maybe he just can’t accept that Phil loves him as much as he claims. 

His therapist warned him against overthinking and feeling undeserving of any love. It’s not that he doesn’t think Phil loves him, he knows he does, heck Phil would walk through fire for him, but that doesn’t stop him doubting himself every single damn day.

Is it normal to have this much doubt in a long-term relationship? Eleven fucking years they’ve known each other and he still needs this childish reassurance that it isn’t all in his head.

Dan sighs and stares out at the city. Lights are on, he’s not the only one awake out there, the sun will start to rise in an hour or so.

He went through too many years of his life repressing feelings, shoving it all down, and now he feels every single emotion and it’s a lot to deal with.

Behind him, he can hear footsteps. 

“I don’t like waking up at 4am without you there, it’s a bit disconcerting,” Phil says quietly.

He stands next to Dan and stares out at London with him, taking in the lights, the stars and the buzz of noise that never ends.

“Wanna talk about it?” Phil offers. 

Dan looks at him, glasses askew as if he hurriedly pushed them onto his face, eyes full of tiredness, mouth curled into a smile, hair in disarray. He’s shirtless but wearing those god awful emoji pyjama bottoms he refuses to part with, and he looks like he could topple over and fall asleep at any moment. But he’s here. He woke up, he knew Dan wasn’t there, and he went to find him. 

He decides then, that he doesn’t give a fuck who loves who more. Heck, they’re in love. Love is the best thing that happened to him. Love has made him who he is, love found him Phil and love changed his world. And Phil? Phil loves him. 

“You love me,” Dan says.

“I do,” Phil replies. He nudges his shoulders with Dan’s gently. “Won’t let you forget it, either,”

“Even when I’m grey and old and senile and probably calling you Gary by accident?”

“Even then,”

“Thanks,”

They share a chaste kiss; it’s soft, sweet, but says more than just ‘hey, I love you.’

“Do you wanna stay up and watch the sunrise? I can make coffee?”

iv.

They try to watch the sunrise. They move the sofa closer to the French doors, grab a blanket and curl up together. Dan sits betweens Phil’s legs, his head on his chest and heart on his sleeve.

The sky's ablaze in furious oranges and yellows, London wakes up vividly, buses roar to life, commuters thump their alarm clocks and in an apartment block on the third floor two men very much in love sleep through the entire thing.

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos if you like and HELLO, yes, it's me Lily, my Tumblr is reignited and apparently I'm writing again. Nice to see you all!


End file.
